Five Letters to Bid You Farewell
by Lactea
Summary: Five letters Regulus writes to his brother during the First Wizarding War.
1. First Letter

Brother,

I've rewritten the start of this letter many times more than you presented yourself to mother with Gryffindor's flag as a cape, but, I simply couldn't find the right words. How could be the best way to start a letter for the brother who has turned his back to his family, his little brother included? I t sadden me the fact that you didn't say goodbye to me. We may have never been joined at the hip, and we may have never got to understand each other. I never understood why the Sorting Hat sent you to Gryffindor or rather, why are you so different from the rest of the family. That would have been so much easier.

Deep down, it seems that you had been planning it since we were kids. Since I have memory you have been trying to stand out. I still remember the first time we were invited to Malfoy Mannor. If I am not mistaken, Lucius was eleven and had just received his Hogwarts letter. I think that was the reason why the party was being held and there were there all the pure blood families from the UK. You decided that such an event, for the feeble of Malfoy, was too much, so, who decided to show that he, was as good wizard as anybody? You, my dear brother, it was you. And nothing less than setting fire to the grove next to the manor. Alright, it is true that you were a kid and didn't have a good control in your magic, but your mischievous smile proved that it was not a complete accident after all. I will always remember the image of our mother telling you off while you were restraining your laughter and winking at me.

I long for those days when we used to feel like real brothers. Even then, I had the impression that you were distinct. I ignore if it was because you didn't laugh at muggle and mudblood jokes that father and uncle Cygnus made or because you spent the time getting yourself into trouble, yet at the end of the day we were completely unlike. I sensed that you were already aware of it.

Of course, when you entered Hogwarts it was clear that you were not like the rest of the family. I recall our father's rage when you sent your first letter, announcing your sorting into Gryffindor. Mother, oh dear mother, she spent many days locked in house, fearing what the rest of the pure blood families would say. I have never seen mother so upset, not even when you recently left home.

You know, brother? I have always admired your strength and capability of confronting the entire family, even if I do not approve it. You are my brother, after all; you being here or not. That does not mean I am not disappointed with the fact that you left without saying goodbye.

Your younger brother,

Regulus


	2. Second Letter

Brother,

It's been a year since I wrote that letter I never sent. I suppose I wrote them because it's how I best express myself and, besides, ideals to talk to you without ending in a discussion. Just as the last time we spoke.

I guess you remember it, since I really hope you have your little brother in mind every once in a while. Though I presume that is James' job now; if not you would have come back home or wouldn't have left in the first place. I am not ashamed to admit that I envy him, what I find difficult is to confess that it was in part my fault. I contributed in your distancing. It has taken me too much time to realise; in spite of your nature and the decisions you have taken, you are my brother.

I apologise, I am going on and on. I was talking about the last conversation we had. It was on the last quidditch match, Slytherin vs Gryffindor. We won, even if it hurts your pride. After the match, it was me who approached you and Potter; I was just going to congratulate you for your good game. I recognise that it would seem suspicious, coming from me. I am sorry if it gave cause to bitter reactions.

Still, I think that Potter's response was just excessive. I perfectly acknowledge that he has never fancied me. I am just a posh Slytherin boy for him, who just looks down at everyone. As far as I am concerned, he should look himself in a mirror before judging everyone else. Let's not make a mountain out of a molehill. I am not in the mood of getting pissed off because of your friend.

The thing is, he started it all, he did not give me time to explain myself, he just punched me. It's so Gryffindor to do such a thing and, even if I am not one, I will never allow someone to hit me without reason. I repeat it, he started and you did nothing to stop him. Do you even understand how I was feeling in that moment? No, obviously, you don't, you do already have another brother who will always have your back and be there for you.

I hope this somehow weighs on your conscience,

Regulus


	3. Third Letter

Brother,

I am resort again to this method of writing letters to turning to you. Oddly enough, it is already an annual tradition, right after the year's end. In any case, it is not so weird, given that I have quite a degree of privacy here. Nevertheless, I have to stand mother to show up in my room every now and then. She sometimes use me as a target for her uproars, but apparently it is not so much fun since I choose to ignore her; therefore, she gets tired of it and leaves me alone.

Besides, she now has a reason more to feel proud of me and letting me be... Though I guess you already know. If you expect some kind of apology you can just keep waiting, I am not regretful. I hope you don't give me the line of "you shouldn't, it's dangerous". I don't think you are the most suitable for saying it. The side you chose... I fear for you, you know brother? Nonetheless, deep down, the cause of my fright for the side you have chosen it is not your security, I know for a fact that you are perfectly capable of sorting it out by yourself.

What I am really afraid of is that someday you and I will have to confront each other in battlefield. I don't think I will be able to send a spell against you.

Call me selfish if you want, but hey! I am a Slytherin, in the end. The one acting for the sake of everyone is you, not me.

Now seriously, brother, what if I have to fight against you? I would rather die than raising my wand against you. However, does the same occur to you? I am not sure; truth to be told, I am not sure of anything anymore. I used to think I knew you, know I don't even recognise myself when I look myself in the mirror.

That leads me to think that I may have made a mistake by getting involved in all this shit... I have always thought that my destiny was right where I am now. If you had seen mother and father's joyful faces when I told them... It is most likely that you would have raised an eyebrow and rolled your eyes. If it had been something else, maybe you would have even smiled slightly.

In this case, on the other hand, if you would still be with us, at home, the only thing that would have triggered my decision would have been you growing apart from us.

Why are you so Gryffindor? That would have been so easy if you did not like to so much to go against everyone.

Regulus


	4. Fourth Letter

Brother,

This time it's not been so much time since I wrote that last letter I didn't send. This, nonetheless, will be much shorter.

The war is getting worse and worse. There are more losses every day, not only in your side.

I don't longer know who to trust and who to mistrust. Many of my Hogwarts' classmates are either dead or have a big traitor written in their face. Maybe it's just me that I am getting paranoid.

I don't sleep, I don't eat, and I don't even breathe without being afraid. I feel watched everywhere I go.

Don't tell anybody but... I am after something dark which could mark a milestone in this war. For the moment, that's the only thing I can tell you.

Take care of yourself,

Regulus


	5. Fifth Letter

Brother,

I wasn't sure about writing this last letter. I am short of time and I don't know if I'll be able to get to the end of it without breaking down.

Everything is bad, very bad. I don't even know if you are still alive or safe. I guess that's because, besides killing you being a hard task as it is, I would have been acknowledged in some way or another.

Nonetheless, I have some good news for you: I may have the key to finish this useless war. I can think of hundreds of possible sarcastic and mocking responses, hence you can save them to yourself. This is a serious thing, truly serious, in fact.

Do you remember how in my last letter I mentioned that I was after something dark? Well, I found it. For your security, I can't tell what it is or what I have to do, though, unless I am mistaken, I believe that, providing I succeed in it, I will be able to put an end to the Dark Lord. It is dangerous and I am conscious of it. That's why I am writing this last letter.

This is my farewell.

During my short life, I have made mistakes that, having listened to you, maybe I wouldn't have. For that reason, maybe with this letter I will mend the sorrow I may have caused you.

I do not trust that you will forgive me for all this years in which I have undervalued and rejected you, just as the rest of the family did. I am sorry for having been jealous of James; I have not seen it just until now that I have always envied him because he was indeed a true brother to you, unlike this old guy that never got to appreciate quality when he had it right in front of him. Still, the saddest thing to know is that the last time we talked we had an argument. You will never know how I admire you, Sirius, and how I have never forgot you.

I would like to pretend that I have been a good brother, but it wouldn't be truth.

That doesn't mean that I would not like to be remembered as "uncle Regulus, that asshole who died without daring to give me his letters and died like a hero". You are not the one with aspirations and airs of grandeurs, you know? Besides, it is not so much to ask for. It may sound egocentric, yet that is exactly how I am: egocentric and an asshole.

So, you know, when you settle down and kids take over Grimmauld Place, tell them about their uncle Regulus. You will talk about that letter you had discovered ten years after what had happened. Well, alright, let's say fifteen years, I am pretty sure that the Sirius I know would tell me, my letters and my predictions of the future to fuck off. Take comfort in the fact that I was never good at Divination.

I think I hear Kreacher asking for me: the time has come. Soon, the world will be a better place.

I love you brother,

Regulus


End file.
